Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
