he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
