Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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