matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
