I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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