I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
