Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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