She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
