They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have aggressive nipples.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
