I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
