how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize