hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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