hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
