hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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