So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
