She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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