Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Bring me that man meat
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
