Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just had sex on a roof
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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