I wish I only lived at night.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
