wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
