it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
