I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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