just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
