Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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