I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
