can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
