im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
