I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
