you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
