i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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