Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
