4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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