Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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