he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
