Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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