Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
