What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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