we have pet lesbian snakes
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain