Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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