Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara