I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think my fart just growled at me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
