Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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