Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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