I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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