I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
