my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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