Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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