make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
