guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
