it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
