there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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