Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
