I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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