Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize