david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
