Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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