dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
