apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
