Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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