While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
