Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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