God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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