I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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