yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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