im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.