I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
