You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
the liver wants what the liver wants
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
