My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
